Taking Off the Armour — Living More You, at Every Stage of Life | Marie Quigley

Stefan (00:01) Well, thank you for everyone showing up and tuning into the next podcast, Your Life, Your Call, Let's Talk Conversations. And I have a very special guest here today, Marie Quigley. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for accepting my invitation. Marie Quigley (00:21) it's my pleasure, Stefan. Always a joy to spend time with you. Stefan (00:26) And it and it is weird because initially when I kicked this podcast off was the fact that there was a lot of people reaching out because I was putting all my TikTok lives on my YouTube channel, and then suddenly I got inundated with requests to be on my podcast, and I didn't have a podcast. So as I've been going through this, I just saw that you were launching a new book. And I thought, well, if I can help in any way, and I've got to hear where Marie is, etc. etc., I've got to invite her. So you are, I think you're the second person I've actually invited on this podcast. Everyone else literally invited themselves. So thank you for accepting my invitation. Marie Quigley (01:14) anytime. If you want a conversation with me about anything, I'm there. Stefan (01:18) Hey, I I might take you up on that. You might find you you're on here more often than not. Marie Quigley (01:24) that would be lovely. Stefan (01:25) because as I go on this journey and I meet all these people, I'm like thinking, yeah, I think we could go somewhere with that where we could, you know, have certain subjects that we could talk about, and you can be the guide that helps us on that journey. Marie Quigley (01:47) Let's talk. Stefan (01:48) Okay, all right. Anyway, let's kick this show off the road. As I always ask my guests, where are you now? Where are you on that life journey of yours, Marie? Marie Quigley (02:02) Hmm, well, it's an interesting time of my life. am in a couple of months, I am going to be 60. And yeah, even that's like a milestone and something quite exciting. I think maybe when I was 30, I would have thought 60 was ancient. But I realize now my lifestyle and my life age. my goodness, life is just beginning. And so I'm looking ahead to October, which is when my birthday is, and thinking, I'm so excited about the next 10 years, 20 years of my life. So I'm in a space of, I feel peace. I know that sounds strange, but I feel very peaceful, very spacious. There's a calmness in my life that I have chosen. And there's a space for me to say hell yes to things that I really want to do, an absolute no's to opportunities that come my way that might look sparkly and bright but just don't fit for where I am. Stefan (03:21) Beautiful. Beautiful. I I I just want to reflect on what you said. Also, congratulations for your sixtieth. You don't look sixty. Can I just say you look amazing? I would say Marie Quigley (03:35) that's very kind. Stefan (03:36) Even late forties, early fifties, you you're you're radiating colour, you're radiating Marie Quigley (03:42) Thank you. Stefan (03:43) energy, and it you don't do not look like sixty. So, well you're not there yet, but you're in oc in October, and you've got the same month as my son. So yeah, congratulations. Special, special, absolutely. Marie Quigley (03:54) special boy then. A special boy then, October. Stefan (04:00) What what day on in October? Marie Quigley (04:02) Mine's the 11th of October. there we go. Stefan (04:05) his is the tenth. Yeah. And I love the fact how We're kind of similar in regards to the space that we're in and how it's an amazing space that and it it's something that just like me, it's we're excited to explore that space. Why haven't you explored that before? Marie Quigley (04:38) I think if I look at the different stages of my life, they've been filled with growing up and then in my 20s kind of finding work and finding friends and finding my place in the world. And then in my 30s, I started to have children and it was filled up with children and marriage and all of that sort of thing. And now as I'm in this stage of my life, my children are growing and grown. Of course, they'll always be important in my life, but they're living their own life. My marriage is, you know, after 40 years and ups and downs in our marriage. Our marriage is in a really expansive place for the both of us. And there is time for me to ask questions about what it is I truly want. How do I want to live? How do I want to be? And so I think I have asked those questions in previous stages of my life. I've always been interested in my vertical development. So not just my learning capacity from my head, but who I am and what makes me really tick in this world. What is, what are my purpose and my values? But it's not, I think I'm much more self-centered now. And so being self-centered, I can ask myself, what do I want? Who am I? And yeah, there's some very interesting questions coming up about that. Stefan (06:20) I love that. Have you asked that before? Marie Quigley (06:27) think I have, Stefan, I think in various stages of my life I've asked it but maybe it's always involved other people. You know, is this right for us? Is this right for the family? Is this right for my business partner and me? And now I'm asking, is this right for me? Stefan (06:52) I like that. Marie Quigley (06:53) And because I'm asking, is it right for me? I've got a sense, especially this year, that because I'm asking that question, it also fits for the people I love, because they want me to be happy. Stefan (07:08) Mm. Okay. Let's go back in time then. Now that w you know, kind of reflecting back on your journey, where would you say You started this journey from kind of, as I always say, autopilot in your head to then starting to ask questions: is it right for me? When if you look back, when would you say that started to happen? Marie Quigley (07:47) I, so there's a memory coming back and I'm really, I'm going off what's coming into my head. I'm seeing a memory of when I was in Singapore, just before I had my first child who's now coming up to 29 years old. And I was interested in mindfulness and meditation. And I took some programs and I did some somatic work experiences, which I found quite profound. And I was working, my new child was coming. We were in a foreign country and we were kind of making our way in that world. So although I loved that type of work, it came second to building a life, I think, in that stage. But I was still asking myself the existential questions of, you know, what's the purpose of this? Who am I? What is this life for? And then I, if I fast forward a little bit, I made the decision after my daughter was born that I wanted to bring her up. So I didn't want a nanny or anybody else looking after her, which meant that I had to leave my job that I loved in Singapore. And we moved back home or home to Ireland. It's one of my homes. And actually it was a really hard move because I felt very lonely. disconnected from family, even though was in Ireland, I wasn't around any family. And it was actually, and I share this story in my book, which we'll come to later, but I was in a coffee shop with my little girl and I met this woman and shared how kind of lonely I was in this place I thought I called home. And she picked out this book that she had been reading called Anamkara, which in Irish means soul friend, and it's by John O'Donoghue. And something about it touched my soul and I went out and bought it. And soul friend comes from Irish monasticism, and it's about somebody who is a partner that walks beside you as your guide, you're helping you ask the bigger questions for yourself. And John O'Donoghue's poetry and writing is absolutely magnificent. And that book has stayed beside me for many years. And as I was going through that troublesome time in my life, I started to reconnect to what was really important inside myself, not looking outside myself, but looking inside myself. And I decided to train as a Bowen practitioner, which is working on the body, helping people manage pain. because I'd had experienced a lot of pain in my own body and had taken some bone therapy. So I trained in that. But what happened was, as well as the physical work that I was doing on the body, I was bringing in somatic experiences and visualizations to help people see their pain in a kind of newish way for them. And that was the first time I thought, OK, there is more to there is more to our own wisdom than, you know, just helping people get better, that people can help themselves get better. And that was the time I began to become interested in the world of coaching from my perspective, not the coaching that took you from here to there, but the coaching that helped you create a deeper awareness for yourself. So it started back then. When I had my first child, then my second child came along. And then when I had my third child and I had this beautiful little thriving practice, it wasn't huge, but it was a really beautiful practice, we moved to Dubai. And that's when I snapped up the opportunity to become trained as a professional coach. Stefan (12:04) Nice. I just want to go back to that coffee shop because I always feel especially tra you know, being on this journey for fifty eight years now, is that things happen for a reason and people come into our lives to give us a message or to help us on our journey. And sometimes they do come out of the blue. Whether you ask for it or not. And Thinking about your journey, thinking about that experience, have you have it had have you had any other experiences along this journey where people or you've had a message or you know something's happened in your life where you're grateful for the message, however it came. Marie Quigley (12:59) my goodness, Stefan, you're making me shiver thinking about it. Yes, I have. Numerous gifts have come my way in the form of human beings to be kind of maybe soul guides, as John O'Donoghue calls them, my Anum Karas in my life. That lady, she was a little lady from Donegal. She had this beautiful northern Irish accent. And that's where my family kind of originate from the north of Ireland. So it felt like home in many ways. She was certainly someone that turned up out of the blue and gifted me the thought of John O'Donoghue's book. Funnily enough, when I was in Dubai and I'd been thinking about this thing called coaching, but kept putting it aside because I've got kids, I've got to run a family, I'm moving countries. There's so much for me to manage in that. I kept putting it aside and thinking, it'll come, it'll come. And I happened to be at a party in Dubai and in walked this magnificent woman and she was glowing. Best way of describing it. She took up space in the room from her through her energy and I was so attracted to her energy. I didn't know her, but I moved towards her and got into conversation with her. And she'd just come off a coach training program. And she was telling me all about it and her energy. She was uplifted. And it was really compelling to be around her. And I shared how, you know, that's actually the route I would love to go. Well, a few weeks later, She came and she said, the coach training school that she trained with had gifted her a weekend to give to somebody that wanted to experience their training. And she said, the person I want to give it to you is you. And she gave me that first weekend. That was incredible. And she's definitely acknowledged in my book. The second gift that came along was as I was starting coach training, the world was crashing. People were losing jobs. My husband had lost his job. We were in a lot of financial struggle. We've made I've made decisions. I'm kind of in charge of the finances of the house. And I've made some poor decisions that were taken advantage of by a friend of ours, unfortunately. So I couldn't afford to continue with the coach training because it was just out of our way out of our line. But I had been practicing my coaching with a couple separately individually, but they were they were a married couple and they were having wonderful experiences with the work that we were doing together. And they knew that I'd like to continue. And it was Christmas time. and they came and knocked on my door unexpectedly. I answered the door and said, we don't have a session and we don't have sessions together. And they walked in and they'd paid for the next stage of my coaching journey. And that was like, you know, as somebody who doesn't receive those type of gifts easily, it was, can't take this. And they said, well, we knew that. So that's why we've already paid for it. Luckily, I was able to repay them back when they had very premature babies. A few years later, I was able to give them back the investment they put in me for their little for their little girls. So those are another three angels that came into my life, particularly in terms of working in coaching that have been magnificent on my journey. Stefan (17:09) That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing. On this journey. We have the people that walk beside us, give a give us gifts, our angels on that journey. What have been the lessons on this journey for you that while you were in it or experienced it, you didn't see it for what it was or what you were meant to learn from that, but on reflection, what have you learned that's helped you on this journey? Marie Quigley (17:49) Such a good question. And again, part of the reason I wrote the book was to share my mistakes and failures and to help coaches kind of think about ways of being that might not be useful for them or the clients. And if I think about how I first started becoming an executive coach, I thought at the time I had to put this armour of a suit on and turn up to executive coaching as this, you know, fast paced, dynamic woman who had all the answers and really was pushing people forward, challenging them in ways that kept them moving, moving forward. And it was just not fulfilling. And It took, as I came out of these sessions with these brilliant men and women, and also I also believed I wasn't good enough to be with them because they were brilliant and they were intelligent and they had these high roles and who on earth was I to partner with them? So I was getting in my way and wearing an armour that just wasn't mine. It was like I borrowed it from somebody else, some story that I thought I had to be this way. And I would come out of the sessions and I'd win them, and they were doing work. But it was like, I say, I've got reflective diaries from years ago, Stefan, and I'd sit and I'd write and my heart was aching and my soul was aching. I was thinking, God, if I've got to do this for the rest of my life, this is not fulfilling. And... I then look back to the work I did with my Bowen, the people I worked with Bowen in, my practitioners, and I wasn't afraid to be real and honest and open and loving. And I thought, okay, how do I find a way to bring that other, the real side of me, the real... the loving side of me into the work. How do I find a way to take off this armour and be as authentic as possible? And I started to experiment with it and ask permission and share with people that this is how I like to work and would they be willing to do some bodywork and some visualization of looking inside them and working out who they are and dreaming of what could be possible rather than actions and focus towards, you know, success that actually wasn't success. was, I really wanted to work on the inner significance rather than the outer success. And as I experimented and fooled, because sometimes people were so shiny and big that I thought, Oh, I still can't be, I still can't be that authentic because you won't love me. You won't like me because I've got a pleaser part of me that, you know, wants to make people like me that and that's sometimes good and that's sometimes not good. So there were so many lessons as I wrestled with putting the armor on, taking it off, putting it on, on getting hurt because this person didn't actually like the softness, they wanted that directness and it was managing all of that to see how do I fit in a world that I absolutely want to challenge people's thinking but I want to do it in a compassionate loving way that supports them to think differently, be who they truly are. And that was, I was getting in the way all the time, Stefan. My ego was getting in the way. It wanted to be big, useful, helpful, to pull people instead of let people emerge. Those are some massive lessons that have served me not just in my work, but in my life. Stefan (22:02) I love that. I love I love how you've used the description of wearing an armor and the winning and the feeling hurt, as if you have actually gone into battle. And the the words that you used of experimenting and your authentic self, fight trying to find that authenticity, that authentic self. Just reminds me of how I the last. previous year, that that's what I've experienced is that whole getting used to first initially having the label of life coach and just having, you know, what that means to a lot of people and what that meant to me and I don't want to be called a life coach because everyone says they know everyone that's a life coach from your auntie to your grandma to anyone to then try to make names up and then you know what? When you find your authentic self, when you find yourself it's just like actually, yeah, I'm quite happy. I'm quite happy just as a life coach. You you you can think about it whatever you way you want, but when you come and meet me as a life coach then you will experience me as a life coach, not anyone else, not your grandma, not your aunt, etc. etc. So and I and I like how you said about the people pleaser because I see that in me sometimes where you go somewhere and when you come away it's just like why did I say that? You know, that isn't me. Why did I play to the person that was in front of me just because they were all all suited and booted and spoke like this and you know made me act differently? Why why can't I just be my genuine self and let them decide how they see me and perceive me? Not for me to guess and use all my energy to perform the way I think they want me to be. So thank you for that. Marie Quigley (24:10) Yeah, I recognize myself so much in what you described there. I remember putting a video up, I think it must have been on Facebook, early in my days of coaching and one of my good friends said, that isn't you. It was all about success and, know, shiny cars and big houses. And Stefan (24:27) Yeah. Marie Quigley (24:28) she said, but that isn't you, Marie, that isn't who you are. And I thought, my God, she's right. She saw me. Stefan (24:34) Yeah. Marie Quigley (24:34) And maybe she was an Anamkara then as well because Having somebody to help you reflect back, to see yourself, to show you this is not you, what are you doing? Is useful. To call you, yeah, my husband too, calling you Stefan (24:48) so much. My wife is always doing that. Marie Quigley (24:53) on your stuff. And actually calling us on our stuff when we get a bit too, I don't like the word woo woo woo because I think it's old fashioned to use woo woo, but we can be a bit. as coaches, we can use language that the rest of the world doesn't understand. So I think we've got to speak clearly and properly like the rest of the world as well. And my husband will say, I don't understand what you're talking about. If I'm talking to Stefan (25:19) Yeah, yeah. Marie Quigley (25:20) with too many fancy coaching words, and he's right, say it as it is. don't have even that can take over our ego. If we think we're too precious or too useful in the world of of coaching. We've got to be mindful of that. We've got to be as real as we can be. Stefan (25:40) Absolutely. No, my wife always pulls me up and says, Look, just imagine you're talking to me. Less of this woo-woo stuff. Just Real conversation, real words that I can relate to. I can't, you know, whatever you're saying doesn't resonate with me and the way you're saying it is just a little bit too, you know, bit bit deep or serious. Marie Quigley (26:02) Yeah. Stefan (26:04) It's just like, no. Think that you're having a conversation with me and how that would sound. So yeah, one hundred percent. Marie Quigley (26:09) Yeah, I think you've just reminded me of another angel and he was on a program, an NLP program I was doing and he's called Jean Early and he's an NLP practitioner and I, somebody said that I reminded them of him and when we were talking he has this way of being able to see inside people and I said what's the feedback for me and he said do you know when to stop. And I thought that's great feedback, because I can wax lyrical about this amazing experience as I've had in my life. But not everybody wants to hear that. Not everybody is ready to go that deep, that quickly. I think we need to work that out with our clients, with our friends, with our husbands and children who might not be ready to do that. So knowing when to stop is also useful. Stefan (27:08) Absolutely. Thank you for that. So, you've mentioned the book now and again. Let's is this the journa journey moving forward? Where where is this going? What where is this taking you? Marie Quigley (27:22) Yeah, well it's the journey in the present because it's just out for, it's ready for pre-publication, pre-registration at the minute. It's being typeset as we speak, Stefan, and the front cover has been designed in collaboration with the publishers and myself. And it started a year ago. So I started writing it a year ago. And funnily enough, guess what I did? I put some armor on and thought I got to be really intelligent and write a theoretical academic book. And I was trying to do it. But of course, I'm not I'm not that person. And so yes, Maria had to learn the lesson again, take the armor off and write from your heart. And then it became easy. So the book, it started off in my head being called A Return to Love. But actually, as I was writing it, what emerged was this book has to be called Fierce Love. So it has to be called the, it has to represent the work I do with compassion, but also I'm not afraid to challenge and challenge myself or challenge others in their thinking. So that combination of courage and compassion absolutely makes sense in the way I want to live my life and the work I do now at this stage of my life. And it was when I was doing a coaching demonstration, one of the coaches said to me, how can you challenge but still make people feel so safe to be challenged? And Stefan (29:04) Okay. Marie Quigley (29:05) I thought, that's a good question. How do I do that? And so I went back over my reflective diaries and looked at the cases that I really messed up. The times where I had my armor on, the times when I was trying to be too showy off in the coaching, the times when I wanted to be clever with my questions and I wrote the cases down and the lessons I learned from them. And then I also, well, actually it began with lessons from my life. So, Each there are 15 lessons in the book and each one begins with a personal story that relates to the topic I'm talking about and the first lesson is it begins with you. So it all begins with us doing our own work, understanding ourselves. We can't be with other people if we haven't experienced what it's like to do our own work. And Stefan (29:59) Yeah. Marie Quigley (30:00) it moves on with 15 lessons sharing my my personal life story relating it to the literature and coaching what it shows and then having case studies of real conversations from my practice with reflective questions afterwards to support people to have really brave conversations. Stefan (30:21) Nice. I'm looking forward to reading this book. Marie Quigley (30:24) Mmm. Stefan (30:26) I'm curious why did you feel it was the time it was the right time to write the book? Marie Quigley (30:32) Yeah, that's a good question. I would say 20 years ago, I went to an event and I wrote 20 things down that I wanted to achieve. I didn't know when and that went away, that list went away somewhere in a drawer. But I know on it, one of the things was to write a book and I had a dream, I don't know how long ago. but I saw myself as an old lady and I had a whole pile of books and I was still writing. So in some ways I knew it was part of my destiny to start writing. By the way, at school I was told that I probably, know, I'm dyslexic. So writing was not part of the remit in school, right? You recognize that. So Stefan (31:20) Absolutely. Marie Quigley (31:21) there were lots of beliefs that I had growing up that I wasn't quite capable of writing a book. But of course, having done my work, I know that we've got to go of these limiting beliefs. And I'd recent, so a year ago, I'd decided to come away from my partnership with our beautiful friend, Janine Bailey. We created Empower World coaching and training organization together in Qatar. And I decided after 15 years, it was time for me to step aside and have some space. and in that space I was going to write some stories that would help coaches because I still want to share my knowledge, I just want to do it in a different way, in a way that fits for the stage of my life. So it was a wonderful opportunity to give myself some time and reflection to walk, to think and to write. Stefan (32:22) And what was that process like? I know you mentioned briefly about how it was you were struggling with how you felt you should show up as a as an author, Marie Quigley (32:32) Yeah. Stefan (32:33) et cetera, et cetera. So how was it for you? And what did you learn from that experience? And what are you gonna take away from that experience when you write your next book? Marie Quigley (32:46) Yeah, so the first outline was just so big. And the first draft, I think I was on draft 72 by the time I'd sent the book in. But the first draft was very big, very filled with lots of research, academic papers, I'd done a lot of work. You know, it was very interesting. But the way I was writing and the topics I was writing about weren't actually what I would write, what I wanted to write about. So I would sit at my desk and I would struggle and I would kind of not find the right words. And so I put it down and then I'd go away and I'd walk. I'd walk every day around where I live. It's a beautiful area. Rain and shine, I'd walk. And I might come back to it a couple of weeks later and... attempt again, it was still not working. And then I went to bed one night and realised that I woke up with a sense of just tell your stories, just tell your stories. And then I came down and I wrote my first personal story. I realised, okay, this is how I can do it. I can share a story. can relate it to how it's impacted my coaching work. And then the flow started. And I think I had 10 lessons that felt in flow, but then I left it again and I walked for another two weeks. And I kind of went to bed at night and I would wake up the next morning and I'd see a gap. And, yes, I know there's a gap here now. This is the story that needs to fill the gap. And then there was another, so there were another five lessons came in. that emerged from me resting and letting the ideas emerge rather than sitting and trying to make them come out. And they're very vulnerable stories. it did, I did cross my mind, first of all, would people be interested? And second, you know, what's the impact of being so vulnerable with a reader that you've got no connection with? I'm talking to you, I feel comfortable doing that. But what about somebody reading it who's never met me before, it doesn't understand me. So I had to tap into my own courage to think, actually, your story is worth telling, you your life is worth sharing. So once I, again, worked through that, courage, vulnerability, it keeps coming up in my life, those two words, they make me braver. They make me more... able to step into things that I might not have done as a 20 year old. I certainly wouldn't have written this book as a 20 year old. I wouldn't have written it as a 40 year old actually and maybe not as a 50 year old. That's why I'm writing it in this later year of my life. And I think that's also because I've got, I've gained some experience. I think that's important. I'm not afraid to share that. Stefan (35:59) Thank you for that. That's what came to mind there was the fact that well no the first thing that came to mind was did you have a target market in mind when you were writing this book? Marie Quigley (36:14) So that coach that asked me the question, how do you do this thing, holding space and being loving at the same time, being challenging and loving, I wrote it for them. Just one person. thought, if I can, this makes sense to me to write it for her. So all I thought was, let's write it for her. But then it actually became writing it for me. So getting whatever I needed to say out to share with her that was... true and help her on a journey. And then I, when I, when I sent the first readers my book, it was like, my goodness, what are they going to think of this? And then I realized, okay, it might help other coaches too. And that's when the courage to put it out there in the form of sharing the front cover and why I chose the front cover, et cetera. Going out to the wider world makes more sense. Stefan (37:18) Mm. And what has the response being? Marie Quigley (37:26) It's been really quite beautiful, the endorsements for the book. And these are with people who are peers, who are maybe more experienced than I am in different parts of the world, from the Middle East to Egypt, to South Korea, to the US, South America, UK, Ireland. And it's been, it's been some lovely feedback. Stefan (37:57) I'm c I'm curious. What would you have you ever thought that if you didn't have taken that direction when you just gave yourself space to just be and you still carried on on the you know, fighting it and putting on the armor, etc., etc.? Have you ever thought that what it would have been like if you had then put it out to people, what the kind of response would have been and how you would have felt? Marie Quigley (38:31) I think it would have been safer. I think it would have... not helped or not been as true to my journey. It perhaps would have sounded like somebody else's voice, which that would have felt wrong to put book out in somebody else's voice. know, somebody wrote, only you could have written this book. This can't be written by AI, can't be written by anybody else because it's got my voice in it. And that feels both scary and also honest. Stefan (39:15) I am so glad you said that. You know, those words were so important because when I I'll tell you how I felt when when I first saw the critique in my head when I saw you were publishing a book, I thought, here we go again. Here's another person that has gone down the the bandwagon of releasing a book. And is it really gonna be From her, or is it as you say, AI, etc. etc.? Because I've read a few books where people have published it and it's just like I've read it from start to finish and I've got nothing from it. It's just literally reading a manual. I got no soul, I got no feel for that real person. So everything that you just said. I didn't have to say it. I didn't have to even follow that because it was just like you are generally seeing it for what it is. And it's it's a part of you. It's it's your heart and soul have gone into this book. And that's what will connect with the readers that will read it and will be able to take something from it. And I think that's so important, you know. There will be people that are just publishing for the sake of publishing because it's easy, it's become easier and easier, and it there's no heart and soul in it. And yeah, all right, they may make their millions, but are they really gonna get anything from it? You know, what you're doing is I want. Something from this. I want to be part of this journey. I don't want to just produce something that will go on the shelf and it means nothing for me, or I get that soulless money, but no. So Marie Quigley (41:07) Yeah, no. Stefan (41:09) thank you for that. That Marie Quigley (41:11) Well, thank you for saying that, Stefan. That does it did matter to me that it was real. What would be the point of putting, you know, I'm not putting a book out to earn any money. In fact, I don't think it will earn any money. If it helps a coach, that's what matters to me. If they can see their own story that matters to them and how their own story relates to the work they do. That matters to me. If they can go into a client and ask different questions and be braver and more loving in the work, that matters to me. So one of my first readers, an amazing coach called Jo Sheesby, she said, I've started asking different questions because of your book. I thought, yeah, that's what I want. That's the Stefan (41:59) Nice. Marie Quigley (41:59) purpose. That's the, you know, that's the... person inside me that wants to help other coaches be the best that they can be. Not be me, but be the best they can be. Stefan (42:13) But that that's what part of coaching is, is about telling a story that we might be able to see some learn from that story. We're not telling you this is the way you should do it. Here's a story, here's an example. And as you when you tell a story, you are walking beside that person who's telling the story. You you feel it, you see it more. Unlike if someone's telling you, here's a list of things that you should be doing which will help your practice. Well, that Marie Quigley (42:45) Yeah. Yeah. Stefan (42:46) could be any list, that could be a shopping list, that could be anything. But when it's a real person telling their real experiences and their real story, then you're there. You're it you're living it, you're breathing it, and you will take something from that because it resonates with you. Marie Quigley (43:03) Yeah, and it won't be for everybody. And this book will not resonate with everybody because we're all we all there's so many different types of philosophies in coaching. I'm not here. You know, the pleaser is not showing up when I write this book. The pleaser is not showing up when I put it out there. This is me in my courage showing up. So I don't expect it to relate to everyone. It's a very simple book, Stefan. Let me be clear. It is not clever. Stefan (43:31) Yeah. Marie Quigley (43:33) or it's really, really simple. And I'm proud that it's simple because I do think when I am in training or teaching training coaches, I do think I have a clear way of passing a message across. And I wanted to keep that kind of way I speak in real life into the book. And I hope I hope I have. Stefan (43:58) I love that. That's that's what I say on my lives daily is that you know, the way I communicate is simple. I think that's why that a lot of people that watch my lives are trying to learn English because the my language is simple. I don't use overcomplicated Marie Quigley (44:12) Yeah. Stefan (44:13) words. It's just this is me. As and do you think it's related to our dyslexia as well? Is that we are we we communicate in a simple way that helps us. Marie Quigley (44:28) Yeah, could be, could very well be. I've not thought about that, but yes, great question. Stefan (44:34) Yeah. Okay, so success of the book, and I'm definitely gonna purchase one book, is Marie Quigley (44:41) Thank you. Stefan (44:42) where where where are you going? What what is the vision? What is the goals moving forward in the next chapter of your life? Marie Quigley (44:51) So. Even with the book coming out in September, each stage I'm trying to really enjoy. So when we agreed on the front cover, and I love the front cover because it came to me in a dream, the image that I put on the front. So I could have sent it straight out on social media to share people as soon as I got it, but I didn't. I savored it. I looked at it. I felt it. was like, okay, this is real. This is yours. then so even the pre-ordering of it, it's available. If you look on Amazon or anywhere you want to buy a book, it's available to pre-order. But I just wanted to sit in, okay, it's ready for pre-order now. So I will release the pre-order information in a week or so. But I want to savor things now in my life. I don't want to miss them. And I think there have been times in my younger life, especially with kids, I was rushing around and there's the memories I don't have. They're not there anymore because I wasn't present. And so rather than having a goal, I want to come back to myself and try to be in full presence with everything that's happening. My book. my children, my eldest daughters leaving New Zealand, returning to this side of the world. I want to savor that. My son's finishing university. I want to savor that. My youngest daughter's in a good place in her life. My husband, who's in a race around the world. Whenever we meet, I clear the decks for my work so that I can give us full attention. I want to remember these years. And so If I, and by the way, I'm not perfect. There's things that catch me. There's interesting things that people send me that I want to go off and I have to say, okay, right now it's not right for me. Right now I'm savoring each moment as much as I can each moment and enjoying what's present with me. Even the difficult things, know, not everything's perfect in everybody's life. And I've got some challenging relationships and I'm... sitting with that challenge, not trying to fix it. My pleaser wants to make sure that everybody's safe and loved. Just sitting with the challenge and recognising that it's okay sometimes to be in disagreement with someone. That's a learning in itself. So I'm not 100 % sure if I'm being clear, but I feel like there's no rush at this stage of my life. It's okay to slow down. Stefan (47:52) I love that. That's the same place that I'm in it. It's I'm telling myself to slow down, which feels alien to me, especially when previously we were running businesses and the fact that it it felt right to always be rushing, rushing, rushing. And you you had to be tapped into everything and you had to be out there at every event, every and be on social media all over the place. And then going on this coaching journey. Something inside me went, nope. You and it's funny because you see everyone else, there's a lot of coaches that are literally making so much noise and putting so much content out there. And I started to do that because that was that's the way I was programmed and had a successful business just making a lot of noise, being out there. And something inside me, no, there's too much out there, and I'm just gonna drown with with everything there, no one's gonna see me. The way I want to be seen. So I need to step back. And it's working on that has been really hard to slow down. Slow down. And as you say, I experience when you know bringing up the children, there's pictures of me with my laptop and my baby girl here. And I'm focusing on the laptop rather than the beautiful bundle that I had in my arms. It's just like, I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. This next step, this next stage in my life has to be all slow. I have to be as present as I can in the moment. I don't wanna miss any of it and as you say we're human and because of the old programming as well you slip sometimes and but then it's realizing that understanding that that I've slipped let's pull myself back come back come back because actually when you're in the space it feels like home it feels like Well, that's where you tap into the ethos, the inspiration, the creativity. And when you're rushing, you're not there. And as as another coach said, the I interviewed said, you're in the flow state. You're in the flow state. Your ego and everything is got out of the way, and you're you're enjoying everything just flowing through you. You're not forcing anything. Marie Quigley (50:17) Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And that's a really precious gift if we can get in that flow state. Stefan (50:26) If you can get into that. Marie Quigley (50:28) I love what you say about one of the lessons in my book. I talk about catching ourselves. We are not perfect. Stefan (50:37) Yeah. Marie Quigley (50:37) The more work we do on ourselves, we are not perfect. I am still going to lose it. I am still going to react in my old way. Stefan (50:45) Yeah. Marie Quigley (50:46) my ego is still going to pop up and want this, that and the other. I think as I share in the lessons, it's about catching ourselves a little bit quicker so we can instead of reacting when somebody triggers us, we can take a breath and maybe not say anything, which is not what our ego wants to do because our ego wants to be right. So we can we can practice this. And I one of the. One of the lessons is about how to take the work we do from our coaching sessions into the world, because it's fine. Look, you and I are speaking in the same language, Stefan. We sound like each other. We resonate with each other. In a coaching session, it can feel phenomenal. And then you go outside to face the world where people are not like sounding like you. That's the hardest place to practice this thing. And we must make it real. We must find ways to be brave in our conversations with others who perhaps have not done this work. It can't stay in the coaching room, it must move outside. Stefan (51:55) Absolutely, one hundred percent. Well thank you. Thank you, Marie. This has been an amazing conversation. This is I think this is the deepest conversation we've ever had. Bif we've had interviews before, but this is I'm going to take away a lot from this and thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for writing the book and being present and letting your heart and soul put pen to paper. Thank you very much. And I look forward to reading it. How can people find you if they want to get in contact with you? Whatever. What how can they find you? Marie Quigley (52:35) Thank you for that, Stefan. And thank you for inviting me. I always learn so much when I'm in conversation with people like you. So thank you for inviting me. If you want to connect with me, like most things, it's simple. Go on LinkedIn. My new website is up and coming. It's got a pause on it at the moment, but I am working on designing those new pages. The book will be out. It's ready for pre-order, I say, wherever you want to buy your books. Have a look at it, see if it's interesting to you and if it calls you to read it. But yeah, or even send me an email at marie at mariequigley.com. Stefan (53:18) Superb and sorry for all that noise in the background. Hopefully when I do my editing the AI system on Riverside will be able to cut out all that noise. technology. I Marie Quigley (53:26) Wow, that's amazing. I love it. Stefan (53:30) just think about the early days when we were launching your podcast and what was available then compared to now. It's it's incredible. And Marie Quigley (53:39) It certainly is, Stefan (53:40) Thank you, AI, for making our lives a lot simpler when it comes to editing and you know, cutting out all the hard stuff to make it easier to produce content like this. So thank you. So Marie Quigley (53:48) Yeah, love it, Stefan. Stefan (53:52) yeah, thank you, Marie. It's been a pleasure. And I look forward to our next conversation and whatever discussions we have in the future. Thank you. Marie Quigley (54:01) I love that too. All right, thank you. Stefan (54:03) All right. Thank you everyone for watching and I look forward to seeing you on the next podcast. You take care, have a great day and a good life. Bye bye.